Toon: All the Baby Bump News That’s Fit to Print!

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If this cartoon makes no sense to you, then you have blissfully managed to avoid passing within 50 feet of any magazine rack selling celebrity gossip rags.

By the way, the WSJ is actually one of the few papers that is doing quite well, I just put in in here because I wanted to make a joke about a pregnant stock index. But the Detroit Free Press actually is in major trouble, if you haven't heard--they actually stopped delivering the print paper most days of the week. In retrospect, I should have squeezed the NYTimes in here--they just had to take a $250 million loan to stay in business.

Newspapers everywhere (the ones that still remain, anyway) have been taking all kinds of drastic measures to stay afloat, including jumping on some disturbing trends--like eliminating all their comics and editorial cartoons! So this really isn't all that far-fetched. I'm so NOT in a recession-proof industry.

Finally, how sick are you of the phrases "Baby Bump," "Baby Joy" and "Celebrity Baby Boom?"

Update: I just read that News Corp. (parent company of Dow Jones) is actually having a hard time after all, and the Journal has had to make layoffs, though not as many as at other papers. Sigh...

Rupert Murdoch devours Dow Jones

I am so, SOOOOO glad I don't work at the Wall Street Journal anymore. Otherwise I'd be waking up to the news that my boss is Rupert Murdoch. YECCH. It's a sad, sad day for independent journalism.

Why Wall Street Journal Reporters didn't show up for work today

Were I still an employee of the Wall Street Journal, I might not have shown up for work this morning, thanks to Rupert Murdoch's insane quest to dominate the world with right-wing wingnut faux news crap.

Even long-time readers might be surprised to hear that I worked full-time for three years (through the end of 2006) as an information graphics journalist at the Wall Street Journal, initially for the Money & Investing section and more recently for the Economy page. I made 2-5 daily charts and graphics, mostly tracking economic indicators and analyzing trends in the stock and bond markets. I also did the occasional medical or technical illustration, including a graphic about abdominal aortic aneurysms that accompanied a Pulitzer-Prize-winning front page series. (Read old blog post here...)

I was also part of the union, and participated in several union actions regarding benefit cuts, pay cuts and large-scale layoffs (I'll spare you the slogans, but it was pretty damn cool to see financial reporters carrying signs and chanting old-school labor song-type lyrics).

The Wall Street Journal is a top-notch paper with reporters and editors of the highest caliber and in-depth investigative reporting and features you can't find anywhere else. Aside from the New York Times, it's the only paper I read almost cover-to-cover every day (with the notable exception of the editorial page, which I take in very small doses on a strong stomach).

So as you can imagine, I've been following the news about Rupert Murdoch's attempts to add Dow Jones to his stable of faux news outlets with growing horror and disbelief. Does anyone REALLY think he would allow the WSJ to preserve its editorial integrity? For example, via CNN I read that even the "editorial integrity protection" deal would give Murdoch sole discretion to pick top editors. I can just see Bill O'Reilly leading the Politics & Economy team!

Via Romanesko, I just heard that many of my former colleagues chose to stay home today in protest. From the union's release:

Wall Street Journal reporters across the country chose not to show up to work this morning.

We did so for two reasons.

First, The Wall Street Journal's long tradition of independence, which has been the hallmark of our news coverage for decades, is threatened today. We, along with hundreds of other Dow Jones employees represented by the Independent Association of Publishers' Employees, want to demonstrate our conviction that the Journal’s editorial integrity depends on an owner committed to journalistic independence.

Second, by our absence from newsrooms around the country, we are reminding Dow Jones management that the quality of its publications depends on a top-quality professional staff. Dow Jones currently is in contract negotiations with its primary union, seeking severe cutbacks in our health benefits and limits on our pay. It is beyond debate that the professionals who create The Wall Street Journal and other Dow Jones publications every day deserve a fair contract that rewards their achievements. At a time when Dow Jones is finding the resources to award golden parachutes to 135 top executives, it should not be seeking to eviscerate employees’ health benefits and impose salary adjustments that amount to a pay cut.

We put the reputation of The Wall Street Journal and the needs of its readers first. That's why we will be back at our desks this afternoon, producing the day's news reports. But we hope this demonstration will remind those entrusted with the future of Dow Jones that our publications' integrity must be protected, and sustained, from top to bottom.

I hope it makes a difference. But my guess is, Dow Jones current owners just see dollar signs and will salve their consciences with lies about "preserving editorial independence" until its too late.

Last night I dreamt I was a secret agent seeking the real headquarters of Fox News

You know you're a political news junkie when... you dream you're a secret agent with super powers hunting down the real headquarters of Fox News in an underwater bunker.

But let me backtrack.

I just woke up from a really weird-ass dream:

In the dream, I was a mild-mannered art preservationist. I was working in a poorly-lit library, poring over old art-history books to get a feel and context for some ancient mural I would be in charge of restoring. I was talking to my new boss, chatting about this and that, when I realized it was lunch time--clearly, that meant it was time to go hunt for the secret headquarters of Fox News!

So I get on some fancypants silver bullet-looking train heading way fast way out of town. There's a lot of suspicious types on the train, but also just regular commuters and family. Unlucky for me the only empty seats are behind two jerks in plain suits. It becomes clear they are jerks when they lean their seats back so far they are practically horizontal, and my knees are completely crushed. I ask them to move the seats up because I'm losing feeling in my legs but instead they repeatedly raise and lower the seat back, essentially punching me in the knees repeatedly.

So I slam the seat up to get out of there, pushing one dude hard into the seat in front of him.

He bites me on the nose.

I start screaming about how I'm going to call the police and he's screaming that he's going to sue me and I get out of the seat and go to the back of the train. All the empty seats are covered in packages, and the large family whose packages these are claims they're waiting for friends to sit there. Typical.

The only other empty seat is next to some sleeping shirtless dude lying halfway over the other seat, so I gingerly sit on the edge of this seat and feel my unfortunate nose--not broken or bleeding, but damn sore.

Suddenly the train stops at some random out of the way town and the plaid suit guys and others get off. I realize I'm starting to run out of lunch break so I decide to get off, take the other train back, and hunt Fox News another day.

But when I hop off the train, there's a big wooden building with barbed wire and cobwebs and the words "Fox News" handpainted in toddler-class hand-lettering, looks like the fake front on a movie set. And the building is empty.

Then my train rushes by on a nearby track and I see everyone else who was looking for Fox News realize they've missed it and start running after it. I run for a bit too, but when I start losing my breath and losing sight of the train, I remember that I can fly.

Unfortunately, the plaid suit guys see me flying, and when I fly over their heads, one of them pushes me, sending me skidding through the air right into the path of an oncoming helicopter.

I manage to dodge the helicopter but then found myself on a bridge in the path of an oncoming train. I jumped away onto the railing but there was some crazy car chase going on with some gangster silver-gray 1930s kind of car coming at me with machine guns blaring, and an airplane coming from another direction...

So I jumped. Into the water. And immediately felt a vise-like grip tighten around my ankles, pulling me down into the dark water.

I thought I was going to drown. But moments later I found myself in an underwater waiting room. Apparently I could breathe underwater. It was a crowded waiting room, with lots of folks in line to hunt down Fox News' secret underwater bunker.

So I took a ticket.

And then I woke up. Yeesh! I can't even escape Rupert Murdoch in my sleep!

Seriously though, I bet I had this dream because I worked as an information graphics journalist for three years at the excellent Wall Street Journal (the news side, not the editorial page, of course!) and was horrified to hear about Murdoch's recent $60-a-share bid for Dow Jones. As for the art preservationist bit, I fell asleep last night reading a book about Diego Rivera's Detroit Industry murals.

We now return to our regularly scheduled blogging and cartooning...